The future.....

My husband and I are both applying to doctorate school at the University of Oregon for next fall 2010. :big breath: Different departments grant you but it would be so cool if we both get in and get to go together. But this would also mean that we would be moving from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest...:big eyes:

40!!

I will be 40 tomorrow!!!

Yup, I am alright.

The worst Job in the World

is substitute teaching. I was a sub from March till the end of April and I have to say of the handful of jobs I have had it was the worse. I have never been in a position in which I was given the least amount of respect, and I am not necessarily talking about the students.
Fellow teachers and principles are the major culprits.
Just because you have never met me, just because I will be gone at the end of the day, just because I am not a "teacher", does not, and I repeat, does not, give you the right to treat me like an invader, or a fool because I do not know your schools procedures. It does not give you the right to throw me in a classroom and then get angry when I have trouble with students or the right to ignore me when I ask for help or information.
I am there to help you, I am the one who takes your place when you are sick or need a day off. I deserve your respect for the fact that I do not know from day to day whether I will be working or not. I am the one woke up at 5am and asked to work, to work for you. And the principles...you know what...each school is different, I do not know your procedures and when children are misbehaving. Why am I not allowed to send them to the principle when I am told of no other way to disciple the children and am having trouble with several of them misbehaving? I was told by one principle that she was too busy and that I needed to just deal with the kids myself even though I have no authority to give detentions or give out "yellow" slips.

As for the students...It shames me to see so many kids being raised in such a way that they lack basic respect for an adult, whether that adult knows how their classroom works or not. I have been ridiculed and completely ignored while being a sub by students of all ages but this disrepect is most common among the older children.
The little kids, 1st grade and younger, are fantastic. They are happy and loving and just a plain joy but its sad to see that change as they become older and for some, start to emulate their parents, who are also disrepectful.

What happened to respect? What happened to basic courtesy? What happened to just plain being nice? Or is this a condition that is only here where I live?
I don't know but its sad to see there kids and then their teachers act like this because I am a sub and not a regular member of their school.

Anyways, I won't be a substitute this year. I will be looking for another job while I wait to hear if I made the PhD program I applied for.

And the results are in

It has now been a full year that I have been unemployeed, not counting working as a sub. I graduated last May with my Master of Art degree in history. Whoopie.

I havent been able to find ANYTHING..nada..unemployment here is 9.5 %, there are no big businesses in the area except car manufacturers...oh yes they are declaring backruptcy.
And no one is hiring unless you have lots of experience or know someones brothers cousins girlfriend.

I am trying not to get down about it. Positive thinking. But its hard. My oldest son starts college in the fall and we are trying to figure out how to get him a car so that he doesnt have to take the metrolink since there have been a handful of hold ups at the stations near us. Thank goodness he wanted to start with the local community college.


Now for something completely different:

I am drawing again. yay!
I have also started a goregous garden in the backyard with my mothers help. I am sooo happy with it.
I have also cut all my hair off. I look just like I stepped out of the early 1900's...its pretty cool though the curls are crazy.
My trip to visit my sister sucked. God her life is a mess. Makes me feel great about mine though. :grin:
And I am watching Deadlist Catch...I love that show.

Dr. Evil

:does a dance:

Got my results...cancer free!!! WHOOP!!

Now I just have to see the specialist (because they are special) and determine the next step!! Surgery or not to surgery.

had my biopsy

And it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. It hurt soo much even after they supposedly numbed me. Course getting four HUGE needles stuck into your throat so they can take samples of your thyroid is just not fun.

I feel a bit better today, not as sore but it still hurts like a son of a bitch to move my neck.


I should have my results by Friday when I see the Specialist. Hopefully it will be good news.

Fringe

I love that show!!! I cant even begin to go on about its coolness factor. Lost (nothing is cooler than Lost) is still on top but Fringe is a very very close second.

AND NIMOY IS THE BIG BAD GUY!!! My geeky life is good.

Not sure about doctors

I had an appointment last week to see the surgeon. There is a possiblity that I will have to have surgery on my thyroid. I get there the surgeon has no idea why I am even there. Great. I didnt make the appointment, the nurse at my regular doctor did. Hell, I did not even know about the appointment until the week before. I havent seen my doctor since Febuary. Okay, that's fine but he does decide to schedule a biopsy. Says it will take an hour, in and out I dont even need anyone to drive me, nothing. Great, okay. The nurse from his office calls me later that day with my appointment except she tells me, its at 1pm, be there two hours ahead of time. Instead of going to Ultrasound (this is a fine needle biospy that is suppose to be ultrasound guided) I go to surgery, I am not allowed to eat or drink after 9 am and I have to have sound who can drive me home. What???? Now I am confused. The surgeon also told me that the meds I have been on for almost two months AND which my regular doctor did not give me a refill on are not even to control my hyperthryoid...just the symptoms, which it is no longer doing as well and that they cant do anything for me until I see the expert. Which isnt for another month.

This is almost as bad as when I first went to the doctor about the shaking, nervousness...basically all the classical symptoms of hyperthryoid...and all he wanted to give me without any blood tests was pills for a nervous disorder. I am glad I didnt take them, I knew it was something else even if I didnt know it was hyperthyroid at the time but that was almost three years ago. I have been dealing with all these crazy symptoms and such for years and now that someone finally knows what it is I have still had to wait almost three months (another to go) before I can even see the expert.

I am exhausted.

weird weather

I really do hate the midwest sometimes. We have been having between 55-70 degree weather for the last couple of weeks, but this weekend Mother Nature decided to kick us in the ass. We are expecting between 4-6 inches of snow by tomorrow. What??? I dont know why I act shocked. We have had snow well into April and at least one time in May. As they say around here, dont like the weather? Wait an hour and it will change.


I have also decided to go back to school. Being a substitute teacher, or a teacher in general is just not for me. I am shocked at the lack of respect by the kids and even more shocked by the other teachers themselves. So this week is probably my last week and then I am looking for something else and possibly going back to school this fall for a certificate in something more marketable than History. And something that has a very very very low level of stress. I am finding I do not handle stress very well. I am having all sorts of weird health issues not related to my hypertyroid and do to stress.

Clean colon!

Well, I finally got my colonspoloy (Okay I know I spell it wrong but you get the picture...my college education at work!! lol)

Anyways, I have been terrified to do this. My father died of colon cancer 14yrs ago at the age of 51. So doctors told me when I turned 40 I should get one. I will be 40 in July so I went ahead and got her done. Yesterday was TERRIBLE!!! I couldnt eat for almost 48 hrs and had to drink this awful stuff that smelled like the water you find at the bottom of a garbage can, I almost threw up, got the chills and had to poop water all day. Today I was so scared that they would find something. The sedative was GREAT!! I love that...and they found nothing. I have a perfectly healthy colon and I do not have to have it again for another one for 5 yrs (because of my family history).

I could have cried. I was so happy. Thank you Daddy for watching out for me and Thank you God dude, if you are listening.

Now I just need to get this thyroid crap done. I am thinking surgery is in my future because of my swallowing difficulty but I can deal with it.

I hate doctors

Well the next few months are going to include a LOT of doctors visits. Between me taking my mom to her hand surgery, I have to have a colonoposy (I spelt that wrong!!!) because of a family history...well only my Dad who died of colon cancer 14 yrs ago. And then they have discovered that I am hyperthyroid and that there is a lump on my thyroid. Nothing to really worry about, 95% of thyroid lumps are benign but I have to have a needle biopsy to be sure and to decide if I need surgery to remove it. The upside is, if I have surgery I get to be Frankenstein!!

I really hate going to the doctor. The only good thing is I get a few days off. :grin:

Attack of the 2nd grader!!

I subbed today for a 2nd grade class...I will be subbing for them tomorrow too. These guys are just nuts!! lol Its fun but today we had to write poems using similes...I got some really weird poems. One kid wrote one about monsters eating people and another wrote one about a dead rat. Should I be worried? I think so.


I also learned about another little girls dead guinea pig....it was one of those days.

Radioactive girl!!!

Today was my day at the hospital. I had a couple of blood tests last week and it was discovered that I am hyperthyroid. But the blood test was not good enough. I also had to have a thyroid scan and a thyroid ultrasound. The scan required me to swallow a radioactive pill which I had to take with a plastic cup since I was not allowed to touch it. lol I kept hoping I would get superpowers today but nope...nothing. But I did find out that I have a REALLY big thyroid which is what has been affecting my swallowing for the last few years. I choke very easily and I had always thought it was just me, but it turns out I have a big ass thyroid. lol But no superpowers.

I start the pills tomorrow and then go to the doctor again next week.

I swear

I write more blogs about how much I hate my mother. Oh yes, I hate my mother.

circle of life

My grandmother on the left, Buena in the middle and the last sister, Mildred on the right. My grandmother was the youngest along with her twin brother. He was the first to go at 81, then my grandmother at 83, Buena was 96. Mildred is the last of the family still living and she is 92.

My 37 yr old sister called me yesterday to let me know she is pregnant. She already has two little girls, 13 and 10 and now this is very big surprise.That same night I found out that my great aunt Buena (whose picture is on my site here) died at the age of 96.

New pics!!!

Llywellyn, Harrion, and Zackary

weird twists of life

Well it looks like I might be becoming a substitute teacher. I have been telling people for YEARS, I really mean that..YEARS, that I was not going to be a teacher. Now I am trying to be a sub and I am thinking of going for my teaching certificate in about a year. The more I think about it, the more it is the perfect job for me. My daughter is slightly autistic, very high functioning but she needs me home when she is home if possible. It was really hard for her while I was in graduate school because I had a lot of night classes, but I kept promising her that when this was done I would have a job in which I would be home every night. She has been counting on it. Me too. So teaching seems a fairly good fit. I also love kids. Being a mom has been the best thing in my entire life and I just adore kids. My mother has been telling me for years she thinks teaching would be good for me and that I would like it. Well, I am going to find out now.
I am very scared and excited. I have this weird peace about it. If you had any idea how nervous I am. I am this close to being one of those people who never leave the house. But I am going to do this. I am determined to do so. All I want from life right now is to be happy and to make my kids happy.

And to move to Colorado someday!!

New Year

I am not sure how I feel about the new year. The last year sorta sucked though I have had sucker years in the past.
I have a lot of changes ahead and I am a bit stressed out about them.
Course, my sister and her stupid boyfriend decided to pop in on us this weekend, eat all our food and then dump her kids with us while they drive around. Great...I hate that. I mean come on!!! Once a month is too much!! I do not want to see my sister that much and I dont appreciate having to feed her either EVERY MONTH! We have a limited budget here and when she and her kids and boyfriend come it blows it all to hell. I just wish my mother would say something to her but of course, she wont.
:takes deep breath: Okay I was a bit pissed about that but they are leaving today. yay!

The job hunting is getting me down to. I have a flipping Masters degree but I cannot find a job. I am scared to get a job too. I havent worked in over 9 yrs. I have been in school and being a mom. Before that I had not worked for 10yrs being an at home mom. I have had a total of 5 jobs my entire life and I hated all of them. :sigh:
But I keep telling myself I can do this.

I need a walk.